What's it like?

Friends and loved ones who are close to, but still outside of the mentality of a transexual often have a difficult time understanding what it is like to be in those shoes. Assurance of one's gender is something that the average person takes for granted. People have identity issues all the time, women have to sort out their roles as daughters, mothers, lovers and professionals, men as professionals, father, lovers and sons etc. Is one an artist or a philosopher, is one logical, hotheaded or smooth-talking? Such are the kinds of identifying adjectives that everyone has to wonder about and sort out in their lives. Few people deal with the internal conflict of feeling in ones essence to be a man, yet looking in the mirror and seeing a female staring back. There are numerous emotions caused by such a discrepancy, but for me, the most noticeable was total frustration.

I think the worst part for me, was being treated like a girl. Any guy can tell you how insulting it would be coddled like a girl. I fought against it, in every way possible, but despite the gains I made for myself, the fact was that the most people would ever see me as was a tough girl. No matter how much I proved my manliness, I'd never be viewed as a man, and thats a tough place to be in. It makes you want to outright shake a person until they get it. Still, it's not their fault that they can't see me as a real man. They have no way of knowing what's in my soul. They have to go by what they see, and the physical seems to tell lies. To someone who's never experienced it, it must sound kind of crazy. To those of us who've been there, it's all to real.

Everything seems backwards. Dating, socializing, dressing, even playing sports seems skewed when you're world isn't meshing up as it should. As a youth, I had the opportunity to play baseball- real baseball, not softball, on a boy's team. The coach had seen me play and actually wanted me on his team. I was ecstatic, because it was a dream of mine. My parent's wouldn't let me. Because I was a girl. Now I'm not saying that they made the wrong decision. At that age, the other boys were starting to outweigh me, and I very well might have gotten very injured in that league. The fact was, though I couldn't see it at the time, was that I had a smaller, weaker body than they did. I don't tell the story to imply that they should have acted differently than they did, but to relay the frustration I felt for not being allowed to play with the "other" boys.

If you have a loved one in your life who is trans, they're probably dealing with alot of confusion and frustration, and loneliness. In fact, if you have a loved one in your life who is trans, YOU'RE probably dealing with some confusion and loneliness yourself. It is a trying time all around, but remember, just because you can't understand something, doesn't mean you can't love it (or him/her). You might need some time to mourn the loss of your son/daughter/brother/sister, but there is also much to be gained as your loved one become more comfortable in their own skin, and is able to blossom in confidence and self-comfort. Try to be there for them, and as they love you, they will surely return the favor.