Slow and steady.

I've been at the beach this weekend, which is always a mixed blessing for me. On the one hand, I love the ocean, the feel of it, the smells and tastes of sea air. On the other hand, being at the beach always brings me into sharp awareness of my body, and seeing countless young men with their shirts off, especially when they have a pretty young woman on their arms, fills me with a pang of envy. I wear trunks, a top and often a shirt over it, since I can't get away with topless (and probably wouldn't want to even if it were permitted, with my breasts in the way and all). Still, try to dress as little like a female as I can, so the trunks at least feel right.There are binders available that could probably do a decent job of hiding my breasts, but I find them to be very restricting and have a hard time breathing when I wear them. Makes me feel more like a corseted Victorian lady than a man. I admit though, that the image in the mirror does look more correct, so I do sometimes indulge in it, despite the discomfort.

Any one who can relate to such an imbalance between body and mind can also understand that sense of urgency in getting it corrected as quickly as possible. While this attitude is understandable, it is also unwise, and I advise against letting your hurt get the better of you and rush into foolish mistakes. Transitioning is a process, not a single step. As an FTM, take advantage of the opportunity that time has offered you. Most young boys find themselves thrust into manhood by puberty, without being afforded (or taking the initiative) to truly consider the kind of man they wish to become. You, as a biological female and essential man, have the benefit being forced to truly evaluated yourself. Take time to cultivate those fine qualities of masculinity within you, which drives you to transition in the first place. Chivalry, integrity, honor, bravery, strength... really think about the kind of man you want to be, and study up, meditate, find a mentor or follow any number of paths to start ingraining these qualities into yourself. Even though you may already possess them, they have never been demanded of you the way they will be when the world views and treats you as a man. Finding yourself able to pass physically without having the mental balls to back it up will leave you a very small fish, in a suddenly huge pond. Take advantage of the time it takes to transition, by truly preparing yourself mentally for the change.

The internet is also an invaluable resource on transitioning, and can help you learn about the process, talk to men who have or are transitioning as well. Learn from the mistakes of others, and don't let this carry you into a train wreck. Although gender is an important part of a person's identity, it is not the only part. You are still someone's child/sibling/spouse. You have a career, or school goals, hopes and dreams. Do not lose the good person you are, in the new person you wish to become. Everyone changes over time, and while bringing your body into line with your mind might or might not be viewed as a drastic change, getting so caught up in your gender issues that you lose yourself entirely in them. Some transpersons get so wrapped up in themselves and their own problems, that they become narcissistic, giving no regard to the feelings of friends and loved ones in their process of coming out and changing their bodies. Loved ones are probably going to have a difficult time with your transgendered state. They may feel sad, hurt, guilty or afraid. While you want to try and assure and encourage them, don't write off their feelings. It's natural for them to feel this way, and time will help. Just as you want them to be understanding of your feelings of wanting to be a man/woman, you need to be understanding of their fears and h:urts. It all stems from love and concern for you, so try to keep that in perspective.

Once you've done some evaluating, read up, done some soul searching, the first real step is to find a therapist. I was very fortunate to find one in my area thanks to Dr. Becky's site: http://www.drbecky.com/therapists.html Seeking out and talking with a therapist has been a great step for me, and I was so relieved to find one so close to me. I hope the link serves you as well as it has me.